From zero to 80 mph in 12 seconds. |
I hope your Zoloft prescription is still current.
As a long time country girl, I think it only fair that someone who has survived pastoral purgatory let you know what you're really in for. So here you have it, things a real estate agent or those organic farmette rags won't tell you. Hopefully the heads up will help you come to terms with "peace and quiet" when it is anything but. Or save you from a fate worse than Chuck E. Cheese's on a Saturday afternoon.
- There is nothing to eat
- There is nothing to do
Doesn't matter if they are 6 or 16, this is still what a parent sees. |
- Gasoline is worth it's weight in..... gasoline.
The biggest adjustment you're going to have to make living out of town is effective travel. No longer can you just pop out for dinner or Jamba Juice on a whim or go down to the corner to grab a gallon of milk.
If you want to be efficient with your gas money, you need to think to take care of errands and pick up anything you need while you are in the city for something else.
"Has anyone seen Poofypom?" |
If you don't already have one, don't buy a Prius or electric car. Your neighbors will look at you like they would look at Arnold Schwarzenegger walking a Pomeranian in a speedo (the governator, not the dog.) If you have a patch of snow or ice, a flash flood or a mudslide that little tin box isn't getting you anywhere.
Also research suggests that the costs and manufacture of hybrids & electrics and their batteries neither saves you money, nor decreases your carbon footprint (one source of many).
In the country, you might actually have practical reason to own an SUV, especially if it has a trailer hitch for towing and 4 wheel drive, but no one can fault whatever economical get around car you may already have.
- Fresh air is not always fresh
Does not smell like Teen Spirit. Trust me. |
The country is a completely different lifestyle and animals are part of it. If you want a sanitized resort by all means, stay in the city and visit the farmstands and the petting zoos with the kiddies and go back to your sanitary hotel at the end of the day!
If on the off chance you not only love animals, you don't mind living near them too you must do due diligence to research your possible neighborhood before you undertake the move.
A commercial dairy farm, egg ranch or feed lot within a radius of 5 miles can make your paradise in the country unlivable with the changing of the direction of the wind. Even if you get used to it, your guests never will. The crazy cat lady just hopped ahead of you in the social calendar.
- Crime
There may be fewer people in the country than the city but it still only takes one messed up person to mess with your sense of security. It is wise to take measures to protect what needs protecting no matter where you live.
Rintin when he sees you... |
Good lighting, good locks, a guard dog and a lack of "cover" will deter all but the most determined crooks.
Rintin to strangers. |
On a lighter note, you also need to be concerned with nature's bandits. Raccoons, rats, weasels, polecats, foxes, possums, coyotes, even bears, alligators and mountain lions will happily help themselves to your pets, pet food, or your garbage cans if they are hungry. For best results use trash receptacles that latch and can't spill, don't leave pet food outdoors overnight and keep your small dogs and cats indoors at night. If you intend to keep chickens there are numerous articles on the web that will tell you how to predator proof your coop. Read some of them.
- Nature will laugh at your efforts (and probably poop on your head)
Remember that lovely orchard or alfalfa meadow across the fence from you? It attracts bees. It not only attracts bees it relies on bees to be productive. If there are not enough bees, the farmer will likely rent bees. Spraying your property with pesticides is not an effective option. Not only will you have poison chemicals around your yard, it won't actually keep the bees away. If anything it will kill the whole hive due to colony collapse disorder and your neighbor with the field or trees will probably just rent more bees. Hopefully, your home is not in the line of the bees "cleansing flight" (if it is, you should have taken my advice of "due diligence") The best thing to do with bees is learn to live with them. If you can do that, you might even consider keeping a hive of your own for natural honey. Your neighbor may even appreciate not having to rent bees anymore.
On birds- there are strategies for keeping wild ducks out of your swimming pool, crows away from your garden, and pigeons off your house. Take a minute and google them for yourself. What am I? Wikipedia?
- Neighbors
Maintaining good relations with your neighbors is vital to contented country living. A bad neighbor relationship can literally turn your dream into a nightmare. I've experienced everything from vandalism and theft from an angry neighbor, to false police reports, to having my animals maliciously poisoned.
For best results take into consideration how good the neighbors are before purchasing a rural home. You should be introducing yourself before putting down earnest money anyway to get the real scoop on the land (a realtor will do his best not to let slip if a property is on the market because the previous owner found it unlivable due to flooding, snake migration, outbreak of parvo, haunting or a drunken redneck neighbor.)
It is vital when living in the country to have someone nearby to call on in an emergency situation (you need to be driven to the hospital, you've got an injured animal, your husband drank the last cup of milk, you need a REAL opinion on the color you painted your bathroom.)
- Fences
One of the least disturbing google images for barbed wire scars. |
Horsewire and hogwire can be acceptable fencing for certain uses. Wood fencing is durable, safe and rustic. White vinyl panel fences are safe, attractive and clean looking (you can also attach wire to the back of them.) Do not attempt to use chicken wire for chickens. Hardware cloth and small box wire is better protection and safer.
Even if you don't care to keep animals in or out it's advisable to put a fence on your property line just to keep track of it.
Well country-folk, my out door chores beckon. If I haven't frightened you off yet, be sure to tune in next time for the low down on how much money and energy it will take to maintain your rural lifestyle. Or maybe I'll just post some of my many uses of zucchini. Or at least a How To on killing the damn things and putting an end to the global zucchini crisis.
I have never laughed so much in my life!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, that is just too funny (and TRUE!).
ReplyDelete